Last night I sat with Hekate in meditation. I was conflicted on my spiritual path. I felt that I’m at a juncture yet again. Do I move forward with one spiritual path, or another?
Lately I’ve felt I’ve had no spiritual friends. I have none to confide in. So I sat with Hekate meditating upon these feelings.
In my mind’s dialogue with Hekate, she asked me what I sought. I said I wanted Adventure, as well as Spiritual Growth towards God. She asked I put my hands upon the altar and I did. Closing my eyes, I waited for an adventurous vision… but none came. After a few minutes I felt her compelling thought, to let go the altar as the work was complete.
But nothing happened. Nothing.
Panic attacks are nothing new to me. I have them regularly at night. It may be a product of medication or something else. I’m not sure. But last night I again had another panic attack.
The memory of how it starts is lost on me. I remember feeling this panic or fear that “something isn’t right,” that I might have “died.” Or that I’m dying.
There was a confusion as to where I was. I fell out of bed, standing up, I composed myself. All was fine now. My son was sleeping in his bed in the same room… and he was still asleep.
I headed to the restroom.
My Son’s Panic
I was finishing up in the restroom when my son wondered in. He was walking funny, almost staggering. I asked him what was going on, but he couldn’t talk.
“Do you need to use the restroom,” I asked. He walked past me, sat on the toilet and did nothing. Then flushed it. He walked to the sink, but his eyes were filled with terror.
Instead of washing his hands, he starting to make a toothbrush… as though he was getting ready for the day (but it was Midnight.)
I was getting concerned so I started talking to him. I tried to get through to him with a louder voice… to see if I could break through whatever he was caught up in. But I couldn’t get through to him.
His mouth contorted into this weird frown and he began to cry. He said something I couldn’t understand, as though a whisper.
My wife has been staying in a different bedroom with our new baby. She heard the commotion and called out to us. We came in and our son was still in a fright. He climbed into bed with her.
She asked him what was wrong and again he couldn’t vocalize anything. He was terrified. We sat with him for about 20 minutes, until he was calm and then I walked him back into his bedroom.
There in the room I spiritually banished any negative energy.
A Second Wave
I woke up several hours later with a loud buzzing sound in my left ear. It was a high pitched tone. Mentally I pushed it off and it retreated. But it felt like it could have started another panic had I not been aware.
I don’t know the cause. I have not had a negative experience like this with Hekate before. She’s previously been on my side, helping me and guiding me.
Could this have started with my request for “an adventure?” Could something spiritual have happened that I don’t remember, something spiritual or mental? Something in dreams or in the tapestry of spirit?
Why did it spill over to my son? The coincidence of him having a panic attack the same night as myself seems an unlikely coincidence.
I’m quite concerned with recent events.